Prologue:

So it's now been almost two years since me, Ross, Mike and Bowering trundled off to Yankeeland (I mean America, by the way, not that old fast food place with the pink car on the roof) and I thought it somewhat fitting to finally post some of the crap I wrote whilst over there. Now, by 'crap I wrote', I don't necessarily mean flimsy sonnets inspired by the Louisiana bayou and containing the words 'majestic', 'vast' and 'untamed', but, rather, the infuriated daily scribblings of a keenly warped mind. There's actually a hell of a lot, so I've divided it up into cities, and, in some cases, into respective days. I just re-realised upon reading it that I'm actually much more of a spiteful, pessimistic bastard than I initially thought, which was a pleasant surprise.

Larkin said that "I think writing about unhappiness is probably the source of my popularity... most people are unhappy, don't you think?" and I think that was my main impetus in writing my wee comic diary. Not that i'm trying to be popular, but that - in addition to giving me a chance to vent my daily spleen on the beautifully american idiocy I witnessed on a more than daily basis - failure and outright infuriation are both infinitely more appealing to the perverted, voyeuristic schadenfreude of the common reader. Plus, neither I nor any other people can ever be arsed to listen to some smug, newly-tanned wanker harp on about how fucking FANTASTIC their holiday was, and the BEAUTIFUL fucking views. And oh the food was TO DIE FOR Kev, wasn't it?? It's the reason we have 'holidays from hell' rather than 'really nice holiday we just got back off of.' Plus, it's a hell of a lot funnier. I loved travelling America, I really did, but, for want of a better phrase, there's a hell of a lot of retarded shit that goes on over yonder Atlantic ocean I tell thee.